The laughs continue...

Excellent post Penelope!! So empowering to read. Anger can be very powerful & self protective... and you have every right to be angry with him. His behavior is not to be tolerated, excused or allowed to be 'okay' in any way. To cheat through-out your marriage shows a long-standing pattern of immaturity, secrecy, poor character and selfishness. ..thats not something that can be overcome with a few realizations, a move, new home, or even few sessions in therapy...if he really wanted to change this would be a major undertaking that would take complete commitment and willingness on his part to address his level of empathy and commitment in a relationship, his impulsivity, selfish thinking and level of maturity. Even now, it seems he doesnt really understand how much his behavior can impact someone else...this saddens me, you deserve better, as a mother and as a woman.

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery, LMFT

Kellie:

Thanks for the supportive comment. I don't understand why now he is trying to "push me" back into this relationship. He has his internet women. He has this woman "declaring her undying love for him". I don't know what it is he wants from me all of a sudden when for the last several months I was a bitch and a c..., he was so glad to be "free" from me, etc., etc., How do you go from that to "I realized I was wrong and I still love you"! Even if I was dumb enough to consider it I would drive myself crazy constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the "next woman to fall". Blessings.
Penelope

Penelope--I think you should keep to your guns and start your life anew. Infidelity, I have never understood how anyone forgives and forgets--it is way to personal and intrusive. I do understand that he may want to stay in your life because you have apparently showed him a lot of love and forgiveness in the past, maybe he hass a conscience and he is remorsefule but he sounds like -as you said-it is only a matter of time before it happens again.
Good luck to you.

Penelope, it sounds as though he is one of those people that wants all women to love him and be devoted to him without giving them his full attention and commitment in return. It means that he will probably always pursue you because the more women he has the more it feeds his ego. I think though that as long as you realize that, you will always have the power you need to resist him. :)

Penelope (look, I found your post!), I agree with what is being said. Can you imagine if (God forbid) you took him back and moved with him? Why you'd be looking over your shoulder and doubting him anytime he disappeared from your sight.

This is one of the many reasons why I didn't take my ex back. He had cheated once for sure and quite possibly a second time though I don't have proof of it, my gut instinct tells me he did cheat the second time. I imagined taking my ex back and then maybe I'd be making dinner and let's say ran out of milk and I had to ask him to go to the store to buy milk. IF he did and stayed gone longer than I thought necessary, I would think he was hooking up with someone.

Looking back now I remember my ex telling me there was a crisis at work and he had to leave immediately OR that he had to go to work early because of a meeting he'd been called to attend - in reality it was the whore and him making up excuses to get him out of the house. It made my life hell because I was suspicious yet when I confronted him he'd mock me and laugh and accuse me of having an overactive imagination. Months down the road when I found concrete proof of the affair I realized what a lying s.o.b. he really is. I wouldn't want you or anyone else to ever go thru that type of hell that I went thru.

Don't go anywhere with him - get rid of him and move on. You are so smart and such a loving person, you deserve MUCH better than him.

Hugs and prayers to you!
-Linda