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Penelope, I would document behaviour like this and make sure this weighs in on the judge's decision for custody and visitation. As to his view of woman, it probably will never change, men like him don't change because they don't feel the need to.

The best thing is to get this man out of your life as much as possible.

-CK

Penelope, yes - document all of this. I have a friend here in TN who's ex is the same way and shows up drunk and drinking and driving when he comes to pick up their son.

She documented all of this and had her attorney contact his attorney and now he is not permitted to pick up their son if he has been drinking and when her ex starts drinking while her son is with her ex, her son calls her on his cell phone and she goes and picks him up.

The courts seriously frown on intoxicated parenting. Shameon him and you are so right, you were not put in this earth to wait on him but he will probably never realize that so the best you can hope for is to keep you and your son safe.

Hugs and prayers to you and keep standing your ground!

Thanks to both of you for yall's comments!! I have tried to get away from him as much as possible and I have told my divorce lawyer about his drinking and his behavior. My lawyer said that even "meth head dads" get visitation rights so I don't know how much good it would do to try and take it to the courts. Plus the main thing is my son. He has been really having a hard time adjusting to this divorce, including being angry at me for finally kicking his abusive, cheating, lying, s.o.b dad out after 12 years of putting up with it, and if I don't allow my son to see him it will only compound what he is already going through. I have been taking him to counseling since around September, but I haven't really seen where it has helped. I just want him to get through this adjustment as best as possible.

Thanks to both of you for yall's comments!! I have tried to get away from him as much as possible and I have told my divorce lawyer about his drinking and his behavior. My lawyer said that even "meth head dads" get visitation rights so I don't know how much good it would do to try and take it to the courts. Plus the main thing is my son. He has been really having a hard time adjusting to this divorce, including being angry at me for finally kicking his abusive, cheating, lying, s.o.b dad out after 12 years of putting up with it, and if I don't allow my son to see him it will only compound what he is already going through. I have been taking him to counseling since around September, but I haven't really seen where it has helped. I just want him to get through this adjustment as best as possible.

This may sound weird but as long as your son isn't in danger, maybe he needs to be around his dad and let him see his dad w/out you there to shield him. Once he sees the mean side of his dad, he may have a whole new respect for you.

Very true Linda, Penelope my sons are 20 & 27 & YES they are well aware of their dad/stepdads issues & steer clear of him as much as possible, they still remember all the years of drunkenness, empty promises, nonparticipating, self absorbed ways of this man, that I myself, could never give back to them, yet only try my best (single parent) to show them, by example, how to be good men/morals/values, it also took alot of finding good male role models/mentors to surround them with while they were growing up, boy would that put a thorn in your stbx side seeing his son playing baseball/soccer/football w/some male that they really respected/trusted/admired, just a thought.

Thanks to both of you for your comments. That is what I am hoping for is that one day my son will see that I am only trying to do the best for him while his dad is just trying to be his "buddy" when it is convenient for him and doesn't really want to be a real parent. He leaves all that stuff up to me and then makes me out to be the "bad guy" if front of our son when I have to discipline him or get on to him about doing his school work, his grades, etc. The only thing my stbx cares about (besides getting drunk) is keeping a good image in front of our son and making me out to look bad!! Right now it is sooooo frustrating because my son gives me such a hard time but not his dad. Blessings
Penelope

Most of us know kids don't need buddies, they have enough of that, they need parents & your stbx is taking an easier way out by not stepping up, as your already aware, & showing his son how to be a man but rather teaching how to be immature/lazy/self absorbed, NOT good male role modeling to last a lifetime.

I'm sorry this frustrating, so hopefully you'll find a good mentor for your son eventually.

Stay strong & keep talking about it.

Thanks April for what you said. You have noooo idea how self-absorbed my stbx is! He is one of the most narcissitic people you could ever meet in your life! He is a very good looking Hispanic man and he very much has a macho attitude in the sense that he feels "he can do what he want, but not anyone else". He has also been very mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive over the past 12 years and now I am starting to see that in my son as he is already becoming verbally disrespectful and even physical with me sometimes. I take him to counseling but if his dad keeps "reinforcing" this behavior I don't know if it will do any good. It is extremely frustrating! Blessings.

Penelope

Kids learn what they live in, so try to continue teaching your son & do have consequences (age appropriate) for his actions when he's parroting his dads bad behavior. Again DO try & find some other outlet for your son that has other good male role modeling, your son will pick up on how nice it feels to make you & others proud of his good behavior/accomplishments & he'll crave more of that type of GOOD attention rather then BAD attention/timeouts/grounding etc...........

DO notice what he's doing correct, reward what you can w/an outing to the park/movies/special treat, if affordable. Kids are smart, he'll pick up on getting noticed for all the good he's doing.

Continue turning the ship around & damn proud of you too.