Should I?

Welcome, I'm sorry for the emptiness you've endured. I sense you've already answered your question, so if your considering this route (divorce) you dont have to ask permission from your husband, unless you think it might put him on notice & he'll turn this ship around & re-think what hes creating & the resentment/emotional damage its causing.

http://www.divorceinfo.com/ has alot of information that one doesnt consider when under stress & you can also go to your local court & file paperwork for a small filing fee if everything is standard & straight forward. & one doesnt have alot of money options.

I understand what is feels like & how it affects everyone, especially kids, when a spouse wont participate in their families life, makes you want to just slap'em/shake'em.

Have you tried telling him what this is doing to you & what the alternatives are, unless he starts to put you & your child first?

I dont feel your asking for too much, you thought you married a good man, probably not knowing he was going to make everything else FIRST but his family.

I'll check with you later & all my strengths.

Thank you for commenting! It's all still very fresh and I'm, well I'm not sure what I am. I love him. I'm not always sure why, but still love him. We just had the best talk we've had in months. I told him that he was really the only person I wanted to talk to about this all. That if we got divorced it was going to greatly affect our family and lives and that I wanted him to agree that neither of us are happy and that we have been trying for yrs, one fight after another, 2 good weeks followed by 2 horrible ones, 3 yrs later, I'm tired! He agreed that we have been trying a long time with a lot of unhappiness. Then...we thought about it, the one thing that hasn't changed, is him being gone all of the time, he's home about 2 days a month. He's in the oil field industry. Maybe all of the fights originate, not from this or that, but from loneliness. He doesn't know or see how to change that. We joked that we could get divorced and then remarry in a few yrs when and if things changed. I am not an angry person. I have a child with him and do love him. I am just very unhappy and have been for a long time. But....he will always be a huge part of my life, and a beautiful son later, however it ends I will have no regrets. I'm not a war of the roses kind of gal. I know I don't need his approval, but it would make everyones lives easier if we agree. I've joked throughout our marriage that we'll have a double plot that says his name and the sucker that married him. I hope that's not the case. Just need to stay strong. Not be a sucker. I filed, which is my first real step. It would be an easy decision if he was cheating or abusive...harder when he just doesn't participate at all...sigh!

I realize your feeling neglected & its ashame he doesnt seem to understand how simple it is to participate or make you & son feel special some of the time when he is around.

Do let us know how its proceeding & what your experiences are with the process, as that will be a world of help for others out there.