Playing games? or Over Reacting?

I've been through a similar situation... so this may sound a little harsh.

It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I'm not saying that he's sleeping with her or anything... but he has an emotional connection to you and her both. If he really wants to make your marriage work, he needs to focus on you only. His marriage to you should be #1. The fact that he wants to keep her in his life proves that he's not putting your marriage as a priority. You are his wife and you definitely deserve to be his #1 priority... that is your right and you deserve more respect than him hanging out with some exgirlfriend.

I'm sorry hun. You sound very sweet and kind... I just dont want you to make a mistake like I did. And I dont want you getting taken advantage of like I was. You deserve so much more.... and believe me, there are lots of wonderful men out there in the world.... men who will treat you right and put you first in thier life.

Hope this helps a little :)
~Lily

Honestly that is kinda what I am afraid of... He has NEVER given me any reason not to trust him until now. And this feeling that I have is that he just doesnt want to fight with me and wants to be around the kids whenever he can... So he is taking advantage of my feelings to get what he wants.

I dont want it to be true. I just want this all to be a missunderstanding but he would feel the same way IF I did the same thing to him. If I did not answer the texts that he sent and told him i was out with another man. Thats like saying that yuor not worth a quick text to say hey im ok. just got off work and going to hang out with her for a little while can i text you when i get home... but its like he hid it becuase he didnt want me to know.

I am so so so confused about this situation... This comes AFTER he bought me a new promise ring--- to symbolize his new commitment to trying to make this work... :-(

Cristal,
I have to agree with Beach Lilly, he wants it all his way and have both of you.
He is testing you to see, how much he can get away with.
I hate to be harsh, but when he said he didnt reply because he was with her, that would do it.

He is selfish and has no regards for the hurt you are enduring.
Maybe at some time in the future you can have a relationship with him, but at this point I would shut down all communication with him except for dealing with the children.

What are you afraid of? him leaving for good? well he has emotionaly left already.
Are you afraid of the hurt?
How much more could he possibly hurt you?

I put up with years of emotional abuse and reacted just like you.
Then just recently something clicked in me, instead of being sad and afraid, I became pissed and disgusted.
I started thinking how dare this person treat me like this?
I am not sure what happened, how it finally happened, but it did.

I shut my answering machine off and stopped picking up the phone to his calls.
Then after 2 days of that, he runs home.
I was cold, but firm and not name calling or any of that.
I told him, hey, I am depleted and finished.
He started raising his voice, and I said calmly, I think from here on out I am going to the courts to ask for a Gardiam Lituim to deal with the children.

He was scared, for the first time in a long time the shoe was on the other foot.
He started all his old tricks and I just said "it doesnt matter any more'
I could finally see him for the little rat he is.
He looked and sounded pathtic.
As I am typing this he has called, I reached over and shut the ringer off.
Its finally sunk in his head, that I am no longer his door mat.
You have to put your foot down, no matter how hard it is.
And you can not WAIVER from it.
You do deserve better, ask yourself..would you ever want any one of your children to be treated like this as a adult in a marriage?
of course not, and you shouldnt be treated that way either.

I just dont know what to mdo... I just talked to him on mthe phone and he claims he didnt talk to me becuase his phone was off... but yet when I look at the phone records that is a LIE becuase he was getting and sending texts to a few people the whole time I was trying to get a hold of him... and its not like I was just trying to check up on him mbut i feel that if we want things to work it has to be based on communication. and this is NOT how it goes... he said he turned his phone off becuase his friend and roommate vandalized his car! I am so tired of the crap but I cant be to hateful becuase right now he does help with things around here.

I just dont know what to mdo... I just talked to him on mthe phone and he claims he didnt talk to me becuase his phone was off... but yet when I look at the phone records that is a LIE becuase he was getting and sending texts to a few people the whole time I was trying to get a hold of him... and its not like I was just trying to check up on him mbut i feel that if we want things to work it has to be based on communication. and this is NOT how it goes... he said he turned his phone off becuase his friend and roommate vandalized his car! I am so tired of the crap but I cant be to hateful becuase right now he does help with things around here.

Cristal,
He is not being truthful, I heard all that crap to "my phone was off" "my phone was dead" 'my phone was in the car" and on and on.

Its not being hateful to refuse to be treated like crap.
He will continue to lie, cheat, and be a ass, if you allow it.

It took me numerous years to figure that out myself.

I remember my Husband having one of his tantrums and he was out of control, nothing new.
Except this time I called the Police.
The Officer had come back hours later after arresting him, and said you know "I asked your Husband why on Earth did you think you could do what you were doing"
"He replied to me, "because I never thought she would actualy call the Police on me".
My Husband never once did that again after that.

Are you afraid he will leave you and be with this other woman?
if he does, how long do you think it would actually last?
I think the odds of a relationship working, that originated out of a affair is like 25%.
75% of affairs do not last.

I am just trying to spare you a life time of anguish.
If you put your foot down, you probably wont get instant positive results, but you will rattle his cage and get him thinking how much he really does value you.
He will also learn that if he does x, he is gonna get this or that in return.

This bs will go on as long as you allow it.

You caught him in a lie.... dont let him get away with it. Like Krista said, he will keep doing the stupid BS as long as he gets away wth it. And you do not deserve any of that. Don't make excuses for him. He's SUPPOSED to be a man, right? Well, he's acting like a toddler.