increasing fear of abuser moving back

By anonymousgirl on Fri, 02-03-12, 04:50

Posted in Group:

My fear of my ex moving back wont go away .I awoke through the night because I had a dream he was back with me. He didnt change at all ,The fear is so strong that I cant even clearly explain my dream I just know that his abusive behavior was starting all over again. I am paraylzed with fear at this moment. Too many memories from pur past were in the house , I recently moved out but now he wants to move back. The properties are 3 blocks apart.
I constantly have visions of him being here and literally feel sick to my stomache about it.

My lawyer says I can write a letter to the judge stating my fears of him moving back I have evrything ready so now im waiting for my lawyer to get a move on things so we can put in a motion to the court to hopefully prevent him from moving in and the house selling instead. I feel trapped in my mind with the visions of him being angry at me..his control and how he broke me down. I dont want to be trapped in that fear anymore. As soon as my mind even starts to remember it wont let me I feel stuck with these feelings and I cant seem to move past them .My heart feels stuck in my throat. I just want to move on with my life not be reminded evry day of how he treated me. I still feel like Im trapped with him.

I have my letter written for the judge I have a Dr s note confirming the PTSD and im hanging onto many prayers that God will help.

I just hope the judge will consider our past of abuse and feel some compassion for me. and not allow my abuser to live so close to me and my children.

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By Suzee on Fri, 02-03-12, 06:34

OH AG, I am praying for that the judge will do the right thing!! The nightmares and fear are paralyzing and I understand that!!! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!!! I am so sorry for what you are going through!

All my love, Suzee

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By TryingtoHeal on Fri, 02-03-12, 11:34

I hope the judge does the right thing too. Are you seeing a therapist to help you deal with the PTSD?

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By anonymousgirl on Sat, 02-04-12, 21:27

I see my counselor on Tuesday. I dont see how she can help me with the numbness i feel. Its a cycle I fall into its not really even a cycle its just what I feel and its hard to break through. My mind doesnt want to believe it was what it was abuse and to believe it was bad. It was bad the emorional abuse had me so broken and all i ever wanted was for him to love me . Not the being the man he was but the man I wanted to love me.
I dont know how to feel joy. I feel disconnected when im around other people. Do I want to be with him NO way he just made me feel like i was nothing.
im trying to let go of everything but the memories are still there I could never trust him ever again and now facing him in this community will bring it all back when all i want to do is forget the past NOT see him and focus on healing.

Its so very true healing is painful~

anonymous Girl♥

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By JessicaC on Sat, 02-04-12, 21:54

if they don't stop him, could you move somewhere else?

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By elegantlinda on Sun, 02-05-12, 06:04

Jessica, I was thinking the same thing. Could you move somewhere else or maybe go stay with a family member or a good friend? Make it difficult for him to find you and make sure you have someone or something there to protect you at all times.

You are still in my thoughts and prayers and I am asking God to protect you and to give you peace of mind.

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By anonymousgirl on Sun, 02-05-12, 19:24

Let me explain 2 yrs ago I left my abuser. He was arrested and the restraining order kept him out of this community. he has not been back . I paid everything regarding the property for the duration of the 2 yrs. living there though kept me stuck in the memories of living in that house. My dad helped me buy a house here only 3 blocks away. I love this community and have many good friends here. For him there is no one he has cut them out of his life. the property isnt settled so i wanted it up for sale. At first he showed no interest in the property but a month later changed his mind and wan to move back.
this is my home I feel I belong here and I just want to sell the other place and close the door on that part of my life. I cant move .......this house we just bought and living here feels right.

Im just hanging on to a prayer that the judge will order the house be put up for sale..

anonymous Girl♥

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By JessicaC on Sun, 02-05-12, 20:01

I didn't know you owned a place... that does make it more complicated... if it comes down to it... if the jusdge won't do that for you you might need to think about selling or renting your place out to get away... I know you love your community but if it means living near HIM then it might be best to just start over fresh elsewhere.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By anonymousgirl on Sun, 02-05-12, 21:53

Right here in this house I was supposed to be my fresh start..I cant leave..............

anonymous Girl♥

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By Suzee on Mon, 02-06-12, 20:25

I understand AG. It's all so scary and nerve wracking!!! Gosh I just shake when I think about it too. I know your fear as it's something hard to understand until you've lived it but people really do mean well. I need to tell you that I've noticed an increase in strength and I'm wondering if you are able to feel it inside you? I smile, because you've wanted to begin to start new and I really think that complete fresh start is under way. I believe that the judge will not allow him to live there!!!! But, I'm also keeping a candle lit for you until I know you are safe and happy!!!

Big hugs, Suzee

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By elegantlinda on Tue, 02-07-12, 02:59

I agree 100% with what Suzee said AG. I see you are being stronger than you realize you are and see you becoming this gutsy tough woman. I'm praying for you and asking God to let the judge rule totally in YOUR favor!

Hugs to you!

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