help

I have been separated from my husband for almost 4 months now. I didn't have to deal with physical abuse, but mental for over 20 years.

My biggest issue is that I too feel bad. Not worthless but angry that I let it go on for so many years and finally did something about it. He cannot understand why I'm divorcing him, but that's probably my fault. I tried to convey my feelings to him over the years about how he made me feel, but often just forgave him. He would go for long periods of time where things would be fine, but then something would happen and it would seem worse to me and it would take longer to forgive him. I finally reached the snapping point and filed for divorce.

I think it will just take time to heal and believe that you/I are doing the right thing. The feelings of self-worth are a problem because they make you feel that way for years, or at least my husband did. Now that I've left, he can't understand what he did wrong all those years.
I moved out as soon as I could, if you haven't you should. It will help to get some closure quickly. Once I did, I could control when/how we talked so he couldn't constantly keep up the abuse.

You're absolutely right, that when I try to put a finger on why I feel so bad about finally bringing a closure to this mess of a marriage, it's because of the mental abuse as well as physical over the years. I have a few very close friends that are also helping me through this stage, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I did move out, and once I stopped responding to his constant text messages, I felt as if I had a little bit of control over my life again. Like they say, take it one day at a time, but sometimes that harder said than done.

It is so hard to walk away from all that you know. I am starting my 3rd month away from my emotional abuser of a husband!! When I told him that I thought he was an abuser, the look on his face was classic- like I kicked him in the privates! He still has not owned it though! All through my journey, I have been lost, lonely and angry, BUT calm. I cannot explain it. I know in my heart that I have made the right choice. It seems as if opportunites and doors have opened to allow me to fight for myself. I am so angry at myself, I'm a nurse and trained to assess for abuse, but I didn't see it in my life? Like you, I reached the breaking point and I am not looking back. A friend gave me a devotional book called Happily Ever After, has scripture in it, but not overly religious. It may help you!!! Close friends (same sex) are the key!! Build on those relationships! Good luck, give yourself a hug! Let me know how you are!!!!