21 & In the middle of a divorce, with 2 children.

Hello everyone, my name is Meghan...I am new to this group, & just looking for encouragement & support....so here is my story.

I met my husband when I was 17...we started hanging out, and found that we had alot in common & began to date. At the time he was still in High School, and in a foster home about 45 minutes away from where I lived. Growing up I was in & out of state care & children's homes, so I had already gotten my GED & was no longer in school. meeting him felt like fate. We had both been through so much & just wanted to be with someone who understood. He was originally from the town I was living in, even though he was in foster care, so on the weekends he would come stay with me & I would take him back to his foster home on Sundays. We stayed together for quite awhile, and both turned 18 soon after we started dating. He wasnt to be released from foster care for sometime, and mentioned wanting to see his mom & family, who lived 9 hours away. One weekend we decided to take my car to visit them, and on the way back we talked about getting married. Being so young no one supported our decision, but my mother & sister agreed to be witnesses as we married at the courthouse.
After I broke the news to my father, he helped us get our own place & get on our feet. After some time we discussed trying to have a baby, he had a great job & we felt we were ready...It all felt like a dream. Soon after I found out I was pregnant with our son, my husband started messing around with other woman. He would walk out on me, & I would beg him to come back. Things would be great for awhile, and then he would find someone else to run to & leave again. He came back to me 2 days before our son was born. I had never seen him cry until the day I gave birth to our son. I thought for sure if anything would make him open his eyes, that would. 2 months after our son was born we decided to move out of state, closer to his family, so that we could start fresh & be a family. Not long after moving away my fathers health got bad, and we were forced to move back so that I could be here for my father. My husband continuted to cheat when we came back, so I finally filed for divorce. I hadnt been with anyone within the 2 years we were married but my husband, so I got the bright Idea to start dating after I filed for divorce. As soon as my husband saw that I could be happy with someone else, he came crawling back. And me being me, I took him back & dropped the divorce. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant, again. He stayed around for awhile, and then left us again for several different woman. I always took him back. A week before I gave birth to our daughter (just 3 months ago), he left me for another woman. He missed her birth, and has continued to see this woman since. I, of course filed for a divorce for the second time when he left when I was 8-9 months pregnant. I am now going through a very tough divorce & custody battle, and very depressed and alone. He keeps coming back into our lives, and leaving again, & I just want it all to stop. As sad as it sounds, I still love him with everything inside of me, & I would do anything to have our family together....I am just having the worst time moving on, & being a single mother of 2, I dont want anyone else. I take care of my children on my own everyday, & he has court ordered visits with them (when he shows up)...but he calls me almost everyday...he tells me he misses me & what not, & it seems like its just enough for me to hold onto the thought of him changing & wanting to be a father & have a family that I wait for him. Most of my family has disowned me, because I keep taking him back, but it seems like I just cant help myself. I cry myself to sleep everynight, because my oldest son just doesnt understand why his daddy leaves, and he cries & cries & cries, & it just breaks my heart.